Forever and Always
by Ra4chel-the 4 is silent
Summary: Ever wonder what would have happened if Bella hadn't gone cliff diving? Edward never would have come home and Bella never would have been turned into a vampire. Or would she have? BxE. Rated T just in case.
1. Thinking of You

**Summary:**

**Ever wondered what would have happened if Bella never jumped off the cliff? Edward never would've come home and Bella never would've become a vampire…or would she have?**

**Author's Note:**

**Hey guys. This is the first chapter of my new story. I really hope you like it. If you haven't already you should check out my Twilight Chat Fan fiction. Luv ya! XOXO**

**Disclaimer: **

**(This is for the whole story) I do not own Twilight and I never will. What's the point of this anyway? Everyone knows SM owns Twilight**

**Bella's POV:**

I sighed and put his picture away. It had been over a year since he had left me. I knew I had to accept the fact that he wasn't coming back. Edward had promised me that it would be like he had never existed, but that was a promise he couldn't possibly have kept. He had tried to destroy the evidence of his existence, but he'd forgot about the yearbook, not the mention the memories I would never forget. I'm embarrassed to say that I still thought of Edward almost every waking moment. I had photocopied every picture of him or his family from the yearbook and framed them all…all except the one on page 89. We had won 'cutest couple' and the entire page was taken up by a picture of us kissing. "Still bummed about _him_?" My best friend and roommate, Angela Webber asked. She never said his name anymore since the time I burst out crying when she told me that 'Edward Scissorhands' was on TV. "Yea," I answered. "When are you going to realize he's not worth it?" she asked. I started to defend Edward, but then thought better of it. "You're right," I told her. Angela wrapped me in a tight hug. "Any guy would have to be out of their mind to break up with you," "Thanks, Angela," I said. Angela and I had both decided to go to UBC in Vancouver so we could be together. So far the year was going great…except for me always wishing Edward was there with me. It was amazing how I could resent him for leaving me and at the same time want nothing more than to be holding him right now. I sat down on the couch and tried to distract myself by watching TV, but my mind drifted to Edward anyway. _I wonder what he's doing right now…_

**I know it's not great, but cut me some slack, it's my first chapter. Review??? Thanks for reading!!!**


	2. Me Without You

**OMG! Guess what? I'm updating! I finally forced myself to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS and get my binder full of story ideas and chapters I've written while my computer was getting fixed (haha! sounds like a cat!) from under my matress. You better be happy because I had to walk up a WHOLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS for u guys. So love me or i'll never write another chapter again. Rawr! (i have no idea.)**

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"Heads up," called Emmett. A cold wet slush-ball hit me on the back of the head. Emmett and Jasper roared with laughter, but I didn't respond. Alice flitted to my side.

_What's wrong, Edward? _she thought.

"It's..." I began.

"Bella?" she guessed. I nodded. "If you still love her then why don't you just go back to her?" I rolled my eyes. Every day of "life", Alice tried to convince me to go back to Bella. She just didn't understand.

"It's too late for that, Alice," I explained. "She's probably with Mike Newton now. Or worse...Jacob Black."

"I don't see why your so obsessed with that _human, _Eddie," Tanya said jumping out the window of our house into a snow bank. She rolled her eys when she said the word "human" It was no secret that Taynya was jealous of Bella. She was nothing but an ordinary human girl (at least to her, anyway) and yet, for some reason, I loved her more than my own life.

Tanya had been wanting us to get together for decades, but I'd turned her down time after time after time. Everyone knows I prefer brunettes.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember Bella's scent. My mouth filled with venom and my thoat burned with thirst.

"I'm going hunting," I announced. I took off at top speed, hoping that nobody, especially not Tanya, would try to come with me. I needed to be alone.

I drained two polar bears before flopping down on the ground. I absentmindedly made a snow angel while I tried to remember every detail about Bella; the exact color of her chocolate brown eyes, the way her laugh sounded, the delicious shade of pink her cheeks turned when she blushed. I tried to tell myself that leaving Bella was the right thing, but I was starting to wonder if it really was. I was only trying to keep from hurting her, but when you think about it, I'd caused more good then harm. If I hadn't stopped that van, Bella wouldn't even be alive.

Suddenly a horrible thought occured to be. What if Bella wassn't alive? I ran home at top speed.

"Alice," I called. She ran down the stairs and out the door.

"Yea, Edward?" she asked cheerfully.

"Can you check if Bella's alive?" I asked. I would die if Bella was dead. I would go straight to the Volturi and ask to die.

"She's fine," Alice told me without even having a vision. "She's at UBC with Angela. I've been checking up on her every day."

"You have?" I asked. How had I missed that? I guess I'd been so busy thinking about Bella, I'd tuned out everyone else's thoughts.

"Thanks Alice," I murmered, feeling a little better.

"No problem," she answered before slipping into another vision.

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**I wrote this chapter about three months ago. Hahah! I'm soo lazy. it took me three months to go upstairs and get a binder. Ugh! Now I have to bring it BACK UPSTAIRS. I hope ur happy. **


	3. Chasing Echoes

**Yes, I'm updating again! Can you believe it?**

**Bella's POV**

Shopping. Alice's favorite "sport". I hadn't been shopping since the Cullens left...at least not in this sense. Of course I'd gone to the grocery store now and then, but this was differant. This was "real" shopping.

Angela put her hand on mine and gave me a sympathetic look. I must have looked exactly like I felt; like the wounds that had semi-healed were being ripped wide open again. It had been almost a year since I'd held myself together so I wouldn't break apart, but here I was doing it again. I had to force myself to go on, sucking in shallow, ragged breaths when all I wanted to do was stop breathing forever.

This was a giant step. Up until now I'd avoided everything to do with the Cullens...except looking at Edward's picture of course, but even that had been difficult at first. Now here I was, on my way to the mall. I'd really only ever done this with Alice...and my mom of course, but that was differant. Alice had been my best friend...well, her and....

I couldn't even think his name. It was almost as painful as thinking Edward's name. Jacob and I had been so close. I had made so much progress in those few months. I had smiled and laughed like a normal person, but when he kissed me for the first time, I realized that I would never have with him what I had with Edward. I didn't love him like I loved Edward and if he ever came back, I would have taken him back without giving it a second thought.

_Stop that, Bella._ I had told myself. _He's not coming back. He's NEVER coming back. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care about you. If he did, you wouldn't be here right now._ But the damage was done and I couldn't lead Jake on anymore. It would end up hurting him even worse in the long run because even though Edward was never coming back, there would always be a tiny bit of me that thought he would. And that tiny bit was enough that I would never be able to make any kind of commitment to anyone....not even Jacob.

Jake and I remained friends, but his sunniness was gone. He was like a less-intense version of me. He was always moping, barely smiling. The old Jacob was gone, possibly forever.

"Do you want to go back to the apartment?" Angela asked me, interupting my thoughts.

"No," I whispered, forcing the word out. Inside I was screaming, _Yes! Yes! Take me home right now Angela!_ But I would have to do this sometime and I _was_ starting to run out of clothes so I guess I was going shopping.

Angela pulled into a parking space near the front doors of the mall. Funny, I had seen this mall dozens of times on my way to school, but I had never been inside.

We browsed through a couple of stores and I was relieved to find that none of them were the ones I had shopped at with Alice. That would be much to painful.

We were just leaving a store called Dynamite when I suddenly stopped in my tracks. I couldn't breath. The wind was knocked right out of me. I didn't dare to blink in case he disappeared, but finally I had to and when I opened my eyes he was still there.

His messy, red-brown hair and pale skin were unmistakable. He was even the exact height I'd remembered and I was pretty sure I recognized the sweater he was wearing. It had to be him.

I pushed my way through the crowd. I had to be near him. Even though I knew he didn't love me anymore, I had to feel his cold, hard skin and inhale his heavenly smell. I could feel the wounds shrinking and by the time I reached him, they would be totally gone.

"Edward," I called out. He kept walking. I wasn't sure whether he just couldn't hear me or if he was trying to get away from me.

"Bella," Angela called. She was trying to squeeze between a stroller and an overweight teenage boy. A normal person would let her catch up and explain what was happening before reembarking on her search for Edward, but I was afraid that if I did I would loose him and I couldn't have that.

How I managed to run through the slow moving crowd at top speed without tripping, I'll never know. I was so focused on Edward, now farther away than ever, that I couldn't think about anything else. He turned the corner and I elbowed my way past more people. They yelled and swore at me, but I ignored their comments. I had to get to Edward. I turned the corner only to find that it led to a doorway. I opened the door and scanned the parking lot for somebody. No Edward. There wasn't even a silver volvo in the parking lot. Edward was gone.

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**A/N: I am aware of ur confusion. Perhaps it will get clearer in teh next chapter. AHAHA! Who am I kidding? It only gets foggier from here on out. **

**I know it's short but it only worked that way. At least it's better than rambling. Let's just say it's fun-sized. Feel better now? No?! Well who asked you anyway? Oh right. Me! TEHE! Anyway, my parents have decided to rent a cottage for a week this august so we were looking online and we found this AMAZING cottage. It's sort of a three in one. There's a cottage and a guest house but the cottage is seperated into two parts:there's the small half and the big half. But both are full houses with a TV and bathroom and kitchen and everything. so me and my sister and her friend and my boyfriend can have r own little house away from my parents. We can even make eggs if we want to!!! (BTW I hate eggs but sometimes I make them just for fun and then try to force myself to eat them just to justify making eggs all the time. Oh how I long to like eggs!!! Now you know a little bit more about me) And by the way, i know what you are thinking. BOYFRIEND? IN THE SAME COTTAGE AS YOU? OVERNIGHT? OOOOoooOOOOooooOO! and no it is not like that. **

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	4. AN: Dear Readers

(This A/N was written on May 5th)

Dear Readers,

Sorry about the wait! I got kicked off my computer for not cleaning my room. The deal was I get the computer back when my room's clean. Ha! If you could see my room, you'd get why I haven't been on for so long. Anywayz, I finally got a chance to go to the library last week, but when I logged in I noticed all my documents had been deleted (cuz u can only keep em for i think 60 days) and the stupid library computer doesn't let you save documents, so basically I was screwed. Now I have a new plan: type my new chapters up on my ipod touch (like I'm doing with this) and email them to myself and the next time I'm on the computer doing homework (that's the only time I'm allowed on) download the new chapters. Then I can start going to the library about once every 1-2 weeks and copy and paste my latest chapters (which will be saved in my inbox) into the old documents I've already uploaded This will also give me a chance to pick up some new reading material. Any suggestions?

Anyway, now that I've told you that, I think it's time to catch you up on some things that have happened recently. First of all...I found someone else (don't shoot me). Surprisingly, these past few months I've barely thought about Edward...and I see him on my wall 20 times everytime I walk into my room. Before all you Edward fans start freaking out and you Jacob fans get ready to battle me for your man, it's not Jacob. It's someone completely differant. Not even a mythical creature this time. But don't worry I haven't changed that much. If you know me you should know he must be non-existant and completely unattainable (T-T) but this time he's actually in the same species as me! :P Have I stumped you? K I'll give you a hint. It starts with an A...and ends in a Skywalker. If you guessed Anakin Skywalker, you're right. If you didn't...now that's just sad. Go watch some star wars. And speaking of that, yesterday, well it won't be yesterday when I post this, but May 4th was Star Wars day (MAY the FOURTH be with you. Get it) And I bought myself a C-3P0 kooky clicker (u no those little pens with hair and faces). It's awesome! Anyway, yea I love Anakin more than Edward. (btw, edwards-gurl123 is not responsible for any heart attacks and/or strokes caused by that sentance) Why do I always go for the bad boys? First Edward who sort of qualifies cuz he's a vampire even if he's a good vampire. Then Damon from Vampire Diaries (the book not the show. I pictured him wayyyy differant) who is definatly bad. And now Darth Vader, the poster child for evil. Wow! I just keep getting worse and worse. The good news is, it can't get any worse than Darth Vader. Technically it's Anakin I like though not Darth Vader so don't start freaking out that I'm evil or something. Anakin's kind of a bad boy too though. Good boys are no fun. ;) LMFAO! It makes sense that I'd like Anakin more though. Edward isn't even my type. I like boys with blue or blue green eyes (strike one), blondish or brownish hair (strike two), and lightsabers (strike three). Hahah! jk about the lightsaber part...although he does look pretty sexy while he's using it...

Secondly, I just got back from New York last week. It was amazing! I got a Dolce and Gabbana bag for TWENTY BUCKS! (Pssh! it's not a knock off. What are you talking about?) haha! But then I heard that a few days ago they found a bomb in times square which scared me half to death because if that had been a few days sooner and it had gone off, I could be DEAD right now! Way too close! haha! actually it wasn't very close at all but still...Wayy too close.

Thirdly, I like cheese bread. (Who doesn't?)

Well that's pretty much it! Oh One more thing: I might be changing my name soon. I'll notify you before I change it and I'll give you an idea of sort of what I'm changing it to (can't give you the exact name cuz it could be taken.) but you can pretty much guarantee it will have something to do with Anakin cuz he's just that hot! so if edwards-gurl123 suddenly disappears from your favorite authors and anakins-gurl123 appears, changes are it's me.

So that's it! Bye! Hopefully I'll be updating in the near future. Love yous!

XOXO  
-Gossip Girl

JK! It's edwards-gurl123! God u people are dumb! Jk jk! ily. 3 Mwa!

EDIT! (June 9):

Couple more things. Did all you fellow gleeks see the season finale last night? OMG Quinn's baby was soooo cute, but WAYYY too old!

Oh and I have a boyfriend now. 5 days today! haha! yea it's the guy I've probably mentioned a million times before. And guess what? HE'S MY TYPE! Blonde, blue-green eyes, lightsaber...jk jk.

Well that's pretty much it! PEACE!


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